Saturday, November 27, 2004

The Ballad of Jim Nussle

Listen to a story 'bout a man named Jim
Rich country lawyer with dreams of Washington.
Said to his family, I'm gonna run for Congress.
Then started out on his career as a louse.

Hypocritical bastard, that is.
Lying prick, opportunist.

Next thing you know, Jim he's the nominee.
Told Iowa voters he was for the family.
Made a commercial with his Down Syndrome daughter.
Then cheated on his wife with an aide who was hotter.

Family Values, that is.
Adultery, cheating.

Jim won in November and he traveled to DC.
Found other Republicans that acted just like he.
Then his mistress told him she had some bad news.
She was knocked up, so his wife he had to lose.

Deadbeat Dad, that is.
Divorcee, family-buster.

Jim wasn't worried cause he already managed to win.
The incumbancy advantage means it'll never have to end.
But what Jim didn't know is that people were watching.
And someone with some balls was a gonna come a-knockin'.

We can only hope that someone will take the family values plank out of this trouserstain's platform and beat him to political death with it.

Tuesday, November 16, 2004

The Slippery Slope to Oblivion

In "The Demon Haunted World", Carl Sagan relates the progress of science in the Soviet Union. By blindly adhering to the hypothesis of "didactic materialism", the government effectively strangled scientific inquiry and discovery, especially in the area of biology. When the Soviet Union fell they were left with a life science community that was forty years behind the curve of knowledge.

Little details like that are what's responsible for the monumental shake-ups in life. Pile enough on and nothing can bear the weight.

Here in Iowa, a young woman is traveling to Portugal to get a revolutionary stem-cell treatment for spinal cord damage from a car accident. Now, I'm far from being a "good old days" type. The good old days can go hang. But I do remember a time when people used to come to America to receive revolutionary treatments. Doctors come HERE to receive the best medical training in the world.

What happened? The cold fingers of ideology have managed to get their hands on the throat of science in this country and started to squeeze. Ideology, in the form of a distorted Christianity, has created an atmosphere that is inhospitable to scientific discovery. For all their talk of a free market, they don't really favor an atmosphere of free thought and inquiry. Especially when it might expose their deepest beliefs to be wrong. The problem is that once the technology genie is let out of the box, it can take root anywhere. There's nothing special about America that says ALL breakthroughs have to happen here.

Are we beginning to see the twilight of American science? If we keep going down the path of the fundamentalists, I fear the answer is a resounding yes. If we keep dumbing down our children by blurring the lines between science and fantasy, the answer is a resounding yes. If we keep allowing our policies to be set according to the dubious will of a sky-daddy rather than the good of the people, then the answer is a resounding yes.

Blind adherence to ideology is the surest way to failure.

Thursday, November 04, 2004

An Open Letter To McAuliffe and the DLC

It's been two days since the election and the collective heads of the Democratic party have already found their way back up their asses. That's got to be some kind of world record, don't ya think?

If it wasn't so goddamned pathetic, the sight of you boys scratching your heads over what happened would be amusing. If you had any honor in your dried up little heart McAuliff, you'd have committed hari-kiri yesterday. But then, you've demonstrated your level of honor on many occassions, so I won't count on it.

You supposedly "smart" insiders (let's be honest, you got your job because of money, not brains,) have run this party into a sonuvabitchin ditch and are either too stupid to notice or too arrogant to give a shit. But why SHOULD you care? Your kids won't get drafted. Just like criminal sports stars, someone will give you obscene amounts of money to do something. You, my friend, are the quintessential example of failing upwards.

So what have the Keystone Party Heads decided? You've decided that RELIGION is the new missing ingredient in you never-ending alchemical quest to create SUPERCANDIDATE, the Democratic Savior. Up until now, SUPERCANDIDATE has been a white, southern war hero (purple heart optional) with the magical ability to turn red states blue. I guess you thought Max Cleland's missing limbs were a little off-putting.

News Flash, boys. Jesus Christ himself can't deliver the South for the Democrats. These are not the normal "love your neighbor" christians. These are the "convert or die" christians who have been fed a steady diet of hate and fear for a very long time. They have never even seen the Constitution, much less read it. And their only bible knowledge is the mental convolutions of fire and brimstone preachers who take the bible out of context to codify their own prejudices. You won't get these people, no matter what you do. (Don't get me wrong, I know a few Southerners and they are quite lovely people. I'm talking about the beer-bellied, white sheet wearing, sister/wife beating cretins and the brain dead fuckwits who do whatever their preacher tells them to, no matter what. They know who they are.) You can preach to these idiots until your tongue turns black and falls out. They'll call you a fag and walk away.

Want to know why you and your plastic asshole were beat? You boys got played outright. Karl Rove ran circles around you and put the finishing touches on the playbook that is going to cause us no end of grief of the next thirty years. Just like you've been doing since 1994, you dropped your drawers and let those assholes have their way with you. The least you could do is say "no" coyly.

Retarded monkeys in foreign zoos knew Rove was going after Kerry's Vietnam record. Anyone who is familiar with Rove's previous work even in passing knows that he attacks the perceived strengths of his opponents. Anyone, that is, except you and your big-shot insiders.

But what the fuck do you care? You'll get a job sucking some corporate cock or other somewhere. You have enough money to send your kids to good private schools.

Now, because of YOU, we have to contend with not only Bush Gone Wild for four years, but we have to fight your sorry asses and keep you from throwing the Democratic party off a cliff in your Quixotic search for SUPERCANDIDATE. Instead of playing to whatever demographic beat you last, maybe you should, oh I don't know, work on an actual message that tells the American people that we are the only party on their side. But, nah, that takes work and there's probably not as much money in it.

Not that I think you'll ever see this, you elitist cocksuckers. But if you do, I have one message for you. Leave NOW or you will be pulled down. You have done nothing for the Democratic Party or the American people but embarrass yourself and drag the party down with your shenanigans. You have run the boat onto the rocks and it's time for you to go. Whether you do it under your own power or not is entirely up to you.



Wednesday, November 03, 2004

Electable, huh?

But . . . but . . . John Kerry is electable.

That was the refrain I heard throughout the primaries. John Kerry is electable. There was no real explanation behind that. Just that he was electable. Electability has the sledgehammer used to pound everyone into line. Not comfortable with his Iraq War Vote? Don't sweat it, he's electable. Want more details on his economic plan? We'll find out after he's elected. Don't worry, he's electable. And I noticed that it was always the military fetishists who squawked it over and over and over again. The "yellow dog" democrats who thought that a Vietnam veteran was all they needed.

So much for that theory. Now we have four years to prepare for the emergence of a real Democrat.

Back to work, kiddies. Quit crying in your teacups, wipe your nose, pull yourself up by the bootstraps and start making headway for the midterms.

Monday, November 01, 2004

It's the Final Countdown

In less than 24 hours, old people around the country are going to be setting up shop in firehouses, bingo halls, and churches all over the country. They'll squint as they try and figure out how to turn on the computers. They'll put their little sharpened pencils out and they'll open up their notebooks. Then the fun will begin.

Everyone reading this, you've got a choice. The choice between the possibility that things will change for the better. Or the certainty that they won't. It's as simple as that. You may not trust John Kerry, but any rational human being CAN trust Bush to fuck it up at least as badly as he did over the last four years.

So, get to bed early tonight, try and sleep well, get up in the morning and GO VOTE!! If you've never voted before, tomorrow's a good place to start. And may Wednesday morning dawn on a new day for America and it's people.

Good Luck, America. I'm pulling for ya.