An Open Letter To McAuliffe and the DLC

It's been two days since the election and the collective heads of the Democratic party have already found their way back up their asses. That's got to be some kind of world record, don't ya think?

If it wasn't so goddamned pathetic, the sight of you boys scratching your heads over what happened would be amusing. If you had any honor in your dried up little heart McAuliff, you'd have committed hari-kiri yesterday. But then, you've demonstrated your level of honor on many occassions, so I won't count on it.

You supposedly "smart" insiders (let's be honest, you got your job because of money, not brains,) have run this party into a sonuvabitchin ditch and are either too stupid to notice or too arrogant to give a shit. But why SHOULD you care? Your kids won't get drafted. Just like criminal sports stars, someone will give you obscene amounts of money to do something. You, my friend, are the quintessential example of failing upwards.

So what have the Keystone Party Heads decided? You've decided that RELIGION is the new missing ingredient in you never-ending alchemical quest to create SUPERCANDIDATE, the Democratic Savior. Up until now, SUPERCANDIDATE has been a white, southern war hero (purple heart optional) with the magical ability to turn red states blue. I guess you thought Max Cleland's missing limbs were a little off-putting.

News Flash, boys. Jesus Christ himself can't deliver the South for the Democrats. These are not the normal "love your neighbor" christians. These are the "convert or die" christians who have been fed a steady diet of hate and fear for a very long time. They have never even seen the Constitution, much less read it. And their only bible knowledge is the mental convolutions of fire and brimstone preachers who take the bible out of context to codify their own prejudices. You won't get these people, no matter what you do. (Don't get me wrong, I know a few Southerners and they are quite lovely people. I'm talking about the beer-bellied, white sheet wearing, sister/wife beating cretins and the brain dead fuckwits who do whatever their preacher tells them to, no matter what. They know who they are.) You can preach to these idiots until your tongue turns black and falls out. They'll call you a fag and walk away.

Want to know why you and your plastic asshole were beat? You boys got played outright. Karl Rove ran circles around you and put the finishing touches on the playbook that is going to cause us no end of grief of the next thirty years. Just like you've been doing since 1994, you dropped your drawers and let those assholes have their way with you. The least you could do is say "no" coyly.

Retarded monkeys in foreign zoos knew Rove was going after Kerry's Vietnam record. Anyone who is familiar with Rove's previous work even in passing knows that he attacks the perceived strengths of his opponents. Anyone, that is, except you and your big-shot insiders.

But what the fuck do you care? You'll get a job sucking some corporate cock or other somewhere. You have enough money to send your kids to good private schools.

Now, because of YOU, we have to contend with not only Bush Gone Wild for four years, but we have to fight your sorry asses and keep you from throwing the Democratic party off a cliff in your Quixotic search for SUPERCANDIDATE. Instead of playing to whatever demographic beat you last, maybe you should, oh I don't know, work on an actual message that tells the American people that we are the only party on their side. But, nah, that takes work and there's probably not as much money in it.

Not that I think you'll ever see this, you elitist cocksuckers. But if you do, I have one message for you. Leave NOW or you will be pulled down. You have done nothing for the Democratic Party or the American people but embarrass yourself and drag the party down with your shenanigans. You have run the boat onto the rocks and it's time for you to go. Whether you do it under your own power or not is entirely up to you.

Love,

Lobo