Naked Pam Anderson Sex

Gotcha!

Seriously, I know I'm not the most prolific or interesting person out there, but I'm still getting more hits from the Sabine Ehrenfeld post of two months ago than anything else.

So you can call it a cheap hit generator all ya want, it obviously worked.

Later, bastiches.

Lobo

Not dead . . . Yet

Just letting my faithful readers know that I survived finals AND Christmas, but just barely.

More later.

Figures, Don't It?

Nothing elicits a string of profanity quite like the experience of leaving the house for your first final and finding out that you have two, count 'em, TWO flat tires. Then walking about a half mile with wet hair in 0 degree weather to your in-laws house who graciously lets you use his truck.
Then returning the truck to find out that not only were your tires flat, but your fuel pump is leaking like a sieve.
Then waiting patiently to hear back from your girlfriend so she can give you a ride to work and hopefully pick you up later.

It's been one hell of a week, I tell ya. On the bright side, I'm pretty sure I stuck the final and I got away with parking in the faculty lot close to my class so instead of being fifteen minutes late, I was only 5 minutes late.

I wonder what Tuesday will bring.

Finals Start Tomorrow

Sorry for not having the clever title this time around. I know that the regular viewers get a kick out of it (okay, maybe not. But I think I'm clever anyway.)

Tomorrow starts out the three day endurance test called Finals Week. For those who don't know anything about me (which is pretty much everyone), I'm a Computer Science major at a state university. I've been going to college off and on for the past 15 years and never really found a direction. While I'm about ten credits shy of graduation, all except twenty or so have nothing to do with a major. The twenty are spread out among four different majors. As a result, I've got another three years of part timing to finish.

Last fall I decided that I had had enough of the bullshit. I was tired of being the smartest guy in the room and still not getting any respect or even the opportunity to get a leg up just because I didn't have a degree. Sure I could run the computers and all that better then even the IT people (not saying much, trust me), but because I didn't have a degree of some sort I couldn't even get called in to interview for any number of tech jobs that I was perfectly capable of performing or at least learning quickly. Up until now I had been trying unsuccessfully to work school in around work, but now I'm just gonna say fudge it and switch those priorities. Luckily, my girlfriend agrees and she's helping out where she can. Even so, I can't stop working. Now I find myself in a position where I'm doing two things part time.

Anyway, to any looky-loo's that come across these words and are still in school, trust me on this. STAY IN SCHOOL! Not only as a practical matter, as college graduates make far more than high school graduates. But when you find yourself spinning your wheels at the age of 30 (and believe me, you will.) it's going to be very difficult to do both, as life has a tendency to load you down with responsibilities and obligations. Sure, the actual education that's attached is not as valuable (most employers will train you how to do what they expect of you.) but that piece of paper is a key that will open up a whole lot more doors than you can manage to bust open on your own.

Of course there are exceptions out there. People get lucky or are just born with that "it" factor that means they can't help but succeed. But the rest of us have to take every advantage we can get.

Back to studying Japanese History (fascinating subject, btw.)

ciao, ya fraggin' bloggers.

Somebody's Actually Paying Attention

Wow, whodathunk the foul-mouthed ravings of a militant athiest democrat would have actually piqued enough interest for someone to add me to their roll.

Alas, I have discovered my first appearance in someone's blog roll. And as one good link deserves another, I introduce you to:

Dancing on Colette's Grave

Thanks, and consider yourself rolled.

Anyone else got me rolled? Let me know and I'll be happy to add you to mine.

Domo Arigato, ya fraggin bloggers.

The Ballad of Jim Nussle

Listen to a story 'bout a man named Jim
Rich country lawyer with dreams of Washington.
Said to his family, I'm gonna run for Congress.
Then started out on his career as a louse.

Hypocritical bastard, that is.
Lying prick, opportunist.

Next thing you know, Jim he's the nominee.
Told Iowa voters he was for the family.
Made a commercial with his Down Syndrome daughter.
Then cheated on his wife with an aide who was hotter.

Family Values, that is.
Adultery, cheating.

Jim won in November and he traveled to DC.
Found other Republicans that acted just like he.
Then his mistress told him she had some bad news.
She was knocked up, so his wife he had to lose.

Deadbeat Dad, that is.
Divorcee, family-buster.

Jim wasn't worried cause he already managed to win.
The incumbancy advantage means it'll never have to end.
But what Jim didn't know is that people were watching.
And someone with some balls was a gonna come a-knockin'.


We can only hope that someone will take the family values plank out of this trouserstain's platform and beat him to political death with it.

The Slippery Slope to Oblivion

In "The Demon Haunted World", Carl Sagan relates the progress of science in the Soviet Union. By blindly adhering to the hypothesis of "didactic materialism", the government effectively strangled scientific inquiry and discovery, especially in the area of biology. When the Soviet Union fell they were left with a life science community that was forty years behind the curve of knowledge.

Little details like that are what's responsible for the monumental shake-ups in life. Pile enough on and nothing can bear the weight.

Here in Iowa, a young woman is traveling to Portugal to get a revolutionary stem-cell treatment for spinal cord damage from a car accident. Now, I'm far from being a "good old days" type. The good old days can go hang. But I do remember a time when people used to come to America to receive revolutionary treatments. Doctors come HERE to receive the best medical training in the world.

What happened? The cold fingers of ideology have managed to get their hands on the throat of science in this country and started to squeeze. Ideology, in the form of a distorted Christianity, has created an atmosphere that is inhospitable to scientific discovery. For all their talk of a free market, they don't really favor an atmosphere of free thought and inquiry. Especially when it might expose their deepest beliefs to be wrong. The problem is that once the technology genie is let out of the box, it can take root anywhere. There's nothing special about America that says ALL breakthroughs have to happen here.

Are we beginning to see the twilight of American science? If we keep going down the path of the fundamentalists, I fear the answer is a resounding yes. If we keep dumbing down our children by blurring the lines between science and fantasy, the answer is a resounding yes. If we keep allowing our policies to be set according to the dubious will of a sky-daddy rather than the good of the people, then the answer is a resounding yes.

Blind adherence to ideology is the surest way to failure.

An Open Letter To McAuliffe and the DLC

It's been two days since the election and the collective heads of the Democratic party have already found their way back up their asses. That's got to be some kind of world record, don't ya think?

If it wasn't so goddamned pathetic, the sight of you boys scratching your heads over what happened would be amusing. If you had any honor in your dried up little heart McAuliff, you'd have committed hari-kiri yesterday. But then, you've demonstrated your level of honor on many occassions, so I won't count on it.

You supposedly "smart" insiders (let's be honest, you got your job because of money, not brains,) have run this party into a sonuvabitchin ditch and are either too stupid to notice or too arrogant to give a shit. But why SHOULD you care? Your kids won't get drafted. Just like criminal sports stars, someone will give you obscene amounts of money to do something. You, my friend, are the quintessential example of failing upwards.

So what have the Keystone Party Heads decided? You've decided that RELIGION is the new missing ingredient in you never-ending alchemical quest to create SUPERCANDIDATE, the Democratic Savior. Up until now, SUPERCANDIDATE has been a white, southern war hero (purple heart optional) with the magical ability to turn red states blue. I guess you thought Max Cleland's missing limbs were a little off-putting.

News Flash, boys. Jesus Christ himself can't deliver the South for the Democrats. These are not the normal "love your neighbor" christians. These are the "convert or die" christians who have been fed a steady diet of hate and fear for a very long time. They have never even seen the Constitution, much less read it. And their only bible knowledge is the mental convolutions of fire and brimstone preachers who take the bible out of context to codify their own prejudices. You won't get these people, no matter what you do. (Don't get me wrong, I know a few Southerners and they are quite lovely people. I'm talking about the beer-bellied, white sheet wearing, sister/wife beating cretins and the brain dead fuckwits who do whatever their preacher tells them to, no matter what. They know who they are.) You can preach to these idiots until your tongue turns black and falls out. They'll call you a fag and walk away.

Want to know why you and your plastic asshole were beat? You boys got played outright. Karl Rove ran circles around you and put the finishing touches on the playbook that is going to cause us no end of grief of the next thirty years. Just like you've been doing since 1994, you dropped your drawers and let those assholes have their way with you. The least you could do is say "no" coyly.

Retarded monkeys in foreign zoos knew Rove was going after Kerry's Vietnam record. Anyone who is familiar with Rove's previous work even in passing knows that he attacks the perceived strengths of his opponents. Anyone, that is, except you and your big-shot insiders.

But what the fuck do you care? You'll get a job sucking some corporate cock or other somewhere. You have enough money to send your kids to good private schools.

Now, because of YOU, we have to contend with not only Bush Gone Wild for four years, but we have to fight your sorry asses and keep you from throwing the Democratic party off a cliff in your Quixotic search for SUPERCANDIDATE. Instead of playing to whatever demographic beat you last, maybe you should, oh I don't know, work on an actual message that tells the American people that we are the only party on their side. But, nah, that takes work and there's probably not as much money in it.

Not that I think you'll ever see this, you elitist cocksuckers. But if you do, I have one message for you. Leave NOW or you will be pulled down. You have done nothing for the Democratic Party or the American people but embarrass yourself and drag the party down with your shenanigans. You have run the boat onto the rocks and it's time for you to go. Whether you do it under your own power or not is entirely up to you.

Love,

Lobo

Electable, huh?

But . . . but . . . John Kerry is electable.

That was the refrain I heard throughout the primaries. John Kerry is electable. There was no real explanation behind that. Just that he was electable. Electability has the sledgehammer used to pound everyone into line. Not comfortable with his Iraq War Vote? Don't sweat it, he's electable. Want more details on his economic plan? We'll find out after he's elected. Don't worry, he's electable. And I noticed that it was always the military fetishists who squawked it over and over and over again. The "yellow dog" democrats who thought that a Vietnam veteran was all they needed.

So much for that theory. Now we have four years to prepare for the emergence of a real Democrat.

Back to work, kiddies. Quit crying in your teacups, wipe your nose, pull yourself up by the bootstraps and start making headway for the midterms.

It's the Final Countdown

In less than 24 hours, old people around the country are going to be setting up shop in firehouses, bingo halls, and churches all over the country. They'll squint as they try and figure out how to turn on the computers. They'll put their little sharpened pencils out and they'll open up their notebooks. Then the fun will begin.

Everyone reading this, you've got a choice. The choice between the possibility that things will change for the better. Or the certainty that they won't. It's as simple as that. You may not trust John Kerry, but any rational human being CAN trust Bush to fuck it up at least as badly as he did over the last four years.

So, get to bed early tonight, try and sleep well, get up in the morning and GO VOTE!! If you've never voted before, tomorrow's a good place to start. And may Wednesday morning dawn on a new day for America and it's people.

Good Luck, America. I'm pulling for ya.

Elections and the Intellectually Lazy

As a curve-bustin', co-ed oglin', preppie killin', non-trad university student, I get access to that study in minimal competence, the university newspaper. It's about as good Tuesday morning shitter reading as your likely to find.

So I'm reading the obligatory "You ought to vote" article. And what do I see? A quote from some graduate student who says that she's not going to vote because she's only seen the negative ads.

To which I say, "What the fuck are you babbling about?"

If you don't want to vote, at least be honest about it. Just say, "I'm not going to vote because I can't be bothered to take advantage of the hundreds of computers on campus to become at least marginally informed." Or you could say, "I'm not going to vote because I'm too intellectually lazy." Or even, "I'm not going to vote because I'm an irresponsible twit." Or even, "I'm not going to vote because voting is for losers."

But for the love of pete, don't blame the candidates and their ads.

Fuck the negative ads. Politics has been a bloody, nasty business since the first cavemen got together to figure out who decides which direction to hunt in. And I'll guarantee you that we'd find cave drawings showing a caveman fucking an elk.

Get over it. You have access to all the information you could possibly need to make a decision. Take a couple of hours and look it over. Form an opinion, get your lazy ass to the polls and vote. I don't give a shit who you vote FOR. Just vote.

And if you can't be bothered to make the effort to become informed, then maybe you should just stay home. But don't tell me that it's the candidates fault.

A Poor Republican is Like a Christian Satanist

I had an interesting discussion with some friends this weekend. As it usually does, the conversation drifted from one topic to another and didn't seem to have any direction. One of the interesting questions that came up was "Why do poor people vote for Republicans?"

I have to admit, to a rational person it makes no sense whatsoever. Why would the Republicans get one single vote from a group of people they systematically screw at every opportunity?

Make no mistake, the Republicans screw the poor and middle class every time. If their in a good mood, they MIGHT supply the K-Y in the form of a couple of crumbs. For instance, the $300.00 bribe that Bush used to buy your vote last time. While his tax plan gave hundreds of thousands of dollars in tax rebates to the rich, the average family got less than a dollar a day AND they had to declare that $300.00 as income for the year.

So why does anyone who makes less than say $100,00.00 a year vote for a Republican?

Turns out it's a simple answer, really. Ignorance.

The undeclared Republican War on Education has borne fruit. Fruit in the form of ignorant rednecks and creationist nincompoops who really, truly believe that they got it right, no matter how wrong they are. Like my grandfather used to say, "They aren't half as smart as they think they are."

I bet it can be shown by facts and figures that a poor republican shares a couple of common traits. First, their christian. Not necessarily fundamentalists, but christians who have been trained from an early age to ignore the evidence if it disagrees with what they were told by the preacher. Of course they haven't worked out the whole inquisitive thing. They just don't know any better.

Second, they are delusional when it comes to money and wealth. They're the ones that tell themselves that it's better to be happy than rich. They're also the idiots that can't seem to break out of the hand to mouth cycle. (I make around half of the official poverty level, and yet I have managed to save thousands of dollars.) As a result, they have no clue as to how taxation affects income levels. (hint: It greases the wheels of the economy. The lower the taxes, the less grease available to make things run smoothly.)

Third, a seriously overblown obsession about (x) issue. Guns, Abortion, Taxes, etc. Generally, the obsessive ones are the christians because they have no ability to question what they're told. So they just clamp onto whatever issue affects their hobby (guns) and don't let go. They lack perspective. These are generally the type that if Christ himself came down and told them not to vote for Bush, they'd spit on him and call him a damned hippie.

Anyway, that's what I think.

Time keeps on tickin', tickin', tickin' into the future.

Where the hell did all the time go? I started back at work a couple of weeks ago and now I don't seem to have any time left. I go to class, go home, maybe take a minute to check in on the web, go to work, come home and study. Before I know it, it's late and I still don't have everything done.

I don't remember this drill to be so time consuming.

And how come programmers who write how-to websites always try to teach new programmers by using advanced language?

Makes no sense.

That's the gripe of the day, folks. Don't like it, go piss up a rope.

Survey Says . . . They STILL Don't Get It

This weekend, I blogged what I thought about the Jon Stewart appearance on CrossFire, aka The Primate Habitat of CNN. And doing what partisan hacks do best, they responded.

Did they respond by pointing out how wrong Mr. Stewart was about their show? Wouldn't that be what credible "journalists" do?

Are you fucking kidding me? C'mon.

This is what they had to say:

NOVAK: Let me say something about Jon Stewart. I don't think he's funny. And I know he's uninformed.

No Bob, let's not address his POINTS, let's just attack him on a personal level. Besides, I've been subjected to you for years via newspaper columns and whatnot, and let's just say that recognizing humor isn't really your strong point. Kind of like a blind man criticizing the Mona Lisa.

What does ol' Jimmy "The Triangulator" Carville have to say?

CARVILLE: Well, I think he's funny. I just think he's a pompous ass attacking Ted Koppel. Why would you want to attack somebody that's been in this business this long? Attack CROSSFIRE, Tucker, me. Who cares?

Hey Little Jimmy, what's with the defense of Ted Koppel? If I recall, Ted wasn't mentioned in his segment on CrossFire. Unless you know what he was getting at and you would just as soon avoid it than take a chance of losing your job over it.

Let's not leave out ol' Bob "The Plamester" Novak's final shot:

NOVAK: Because he's uninformed. Because he's uninformed.

There is the crux of the problem, Monsieur Novak. Your job is to INFORM people. Your job is not to let people reach a conclusion by pulling information in from 15 different sources. Your JOB is to furnish the facts in such a way as to not REQUIRE so much shopping around.

Instead of doing THAT job, you and the CrossFire monkeys just editorialize on what's going on. To hell with facts and figures. Who needs that shit anyway?

Of course, you'd all have to get new jobs because all four of you aren't actually capable of reporting the news as it is.

God's Revenge or Head Cold Day II

I hate getting sick. Thankfully I'm pretty resistant to it, but every once in a while one of those little bugs breaks through my immunity system and makes me miserable for a couple of days.

I decided to extend my weekend by at least one more day because of it. Now many people reading this will say, "How can you miss work?" Easy, the same way I can miss classes. I always get annoyed at people who don't have enough sense to dial it back when they get sick. I especially get annoyed at people who insist on gracing everyone else with their presence when they get sick.

I prefer to be sensible and respectful of other people when I get sick. I don't make things worse by running around in the cold and windy morning and I respect my co-workers and boss by not exposing them to my misery and/or causing other people to miss work because of it.

It's a sad pathology in this country that we are somehow cheating somebody if we don't go to work, even for legitimate reasons like sickness.

Oh dear, god gave me a head cold!!

No he didn't. I just came into contact with a cold virus somewhere and it took. Just chalk it up to bad luck, I guess.

So I'm going to go back to bed, drink some water, eat those Halls Defense lozenges like they were M&M's and read "The Prisoners of Nambu". If I get bored I can always turn to my brand new copy of "Complete Essays of Mark Twain".

Anyway, I may be back if I get really bored, but not likely. And until next time . . .

Keep your unit on ya.

Stay tuned for today's Sunday Service Announcement.

If you get sick, it's not god punishing you. It's just a virus or some sort and bad luck. No god required.

This Sunday Service announcement has been brought to you by me.

Caught in the Crossfire

Do you think that when Jon Stewart signed up for the Daily Show that he would be forced into the role of media crusader? If he did, would have actually taken the job?

Last Friday, Mr. Stewart did an episode of Crossfire and gave the two partisan hacks, Paul Begala and Tucker Carlson, the beat-down that they've so richly deserved all these years. It was glorious and Jon Stewart should get some kind of award for it.

The saddest part about it was that the Crossfire crew couldn't even BEGIN to understand what the hell he was talking about. Even to the point that Carlson kept trying to compare their show to the Daily Show. They've gotten so wrapped up in their little "elite media club" that they have completely lost track of their role as journalists. They aren't journalists and Crossfire isn't a debate show. It's a half hour political ad where four partisan hacks play dueling talking points. There's nothing thoughtful going on with that show. And anyone who thinks it needs to remove their head from their lower intestine.

To paraphrase the Bard, "Crossfire is a tale told by idiots, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing."

Holy spokesmodel Batman!!

A few months ago, I saw a commercial for a new e-commerce site called Overstock.com.

Of course, I have no interest in buying from them, but I couldn't help but notice the woman who was making the pitch. Wow, there is just something about her that is, how do you say, ah yes, alluring.

Don't believe me, take a look at the commercials

Anyway, I tucked her away into my little private file in my head. Then a few weeks ago, I see the other commercial. So I finally get off my tuckus and find out who she is. Apparently she has become the newest internet princess.

Her name is Sabine Ehrenfeld. A model/actress that is threatening to break big because of the Overstock commercials. She's also threatening to fuel the dreams of uncounted men for the next few months, at least.

Thanks to The Churn for his unwitting complicity in this post.

Bad Blogger! Bad, Bad Blogger!!

Ya hey dere, folks.

When I started this blog a month or so ago, I had every intention of posting regularly. Once a day at the very least.

And now, a month later . . .

So what happened? Well, I could blame it on work and school. I could blame it on my girlfriend. I could blame it on the rain. But the truth is that I apparently don't have that much of importance to say. At least nothing I feel is important enough to write down anyway.

So there goes the noble ambition of writing a well-thought out, meaningful essay each day on a variety of topics. We will miss you, noble ambition.

Instead I'm just going to do this. Freestylin' and profilin' with whatever crosses my mind. And if a kernel of wisdom spews forth from time to time, so be it. And if anything REALLY needs to be commented on, I'll do that too.

Hope you enjoy the new content. Not that there is anyone actually reading this tripe.

In Search of the Perfect Friday Comment

So I was driving home from classes this morning and a really great blog topic just came to me. It was the most lucid, insightful, downright thought-provoking bit of mental flotsam I'd ever experienced. Almost religious in nature.

And I immediately forgot it.

For someone who never did drugs in his entire life (my mom might be reading this), I have the memory of a thing that is very short on memory.

I know what you guys are thinking, ahh, we all have moments like that. But I'm telling you, what you experience from time to time is nothing compared to my pure lack of short term memory. Unless you've bent down to pick something up and forgot why you were bent over.

Remember when SNL was REALLY bad (as opposed to just plain bad)? They had a character that was Mr. No Short Term Memory? Compared to me, he's got photographic memory.

I forgot where I was going with this.